Let's talk about the boy code and what we can do to make sure that we get to our teenage boys. Now the boy code starts very, very early in life. What it really is is our whole society's idea that male should only express feelings of happiness, joy, excitement, all the up stuff and that anything that has to do with sadness or hurt or any of that stuff, what not to be said, this is the manchisile idea. It actually turns out that even early childhood and in the crib, that parents have been observed with their girls, they mimic all their girls actions whether when the girl frowns, they frown, when the girls smile, they smile. With boys, they only mimic the boys smiling stuff. So even right from the crib, boys are taught that you don't talk about feelings that hurt type feelings and that is really disasterist when it comes to teenagers because, that is why teenage boys, you say how is it going? Even if they are crying inside, they say okay and it is the end of that. So it takes real special techniques to get to working with boys and to getting them to express their feelings.
Okay, so we have discussed what the boy code is, now what do you do about it? You have this teenager who is sitting there, you know because you know when you can read your teenager, you know that they are full of feelings and they are not expressing it. Well, it is very simple, you need to hang out with them, you have to invest time. Just sitting down at the table, which is actually a good idea; my mother had a rule that said, we all will eat together every single day. But just sitting down at the table and eating is not good enough to get boys to get to their feelings, you need to spend at least three hours minimum time just hanging out with your son and preferably if there are two parents involved, this is one parent with the kid at a time. Because the idea here is that you are going to do something preferably not something like going to a movie but something where there is lots of time just to be quiet and let the kid get the courage to finally get his thoughts out.